There is a spot where who we are, and who we are trying to be, merge. A spot where there isn’t a line between the inside person and the outside person, a spot where they are one.
Most of us are trying to improve, and as such, I think we often project who we want to be before our inside person has fully caught up. Some people live wickedly double lives as a result of these things, but some people are really just trying to become better.
I am always striving for better. In fact, I can’t hardly give myself a moment to just be. I have to be doing. It is, at times, quite exhausting. I have a high need for words of affirmation and when I don’t hear that I’m doing well, I automatically assume the opposite. (I’m working on this, too.) But I have found a space with no expectations, a space where I can just be, a space where I can say the inside person thoughts, while I work out how I really want my thoughts/feelings to be about something.
As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that God gives us this space with Him, a space where He will move in the gap and help us become more like Christ. I wish I was writing that I found my space there, first, but I didn’t.
My space to be is with a dear friend. She lets me express my faith, my lack thereof, where I’m struggling, where I feel like I’m conquering life, and where I am somewhere in between. The hardest, for me, is admitting failure, admitting when my faith is lacking, admitting when something is getting the best of me. But I have a friend who, without judging, makes space for me to be real.
There is no expectation that I should respond a certain way, feel a certain way, or do things a certain way. My friend asks questions and waits, without expectation, for my real answer. My friend is so used to who I am, that if I give an answer, my friend can pick out when I am not admitting what is beneath the surface. My friend sees the whole iceberg, not just the part that is peaking out above the waves.
Thank you, my sweet and dear friend, for giving me the space to work out my faith, my feelings, myself. Thank you for giving me a corner without expectation of performance, without judgement, without harsh words. The space you give me closes the gap between who I want to be and who I am, in a positive way. In a way that helps me actually become who I want to be.
My love for you is endless and my gratitude is forever.
Do you have a space where you are able to be expose yourself fully, without fear of judgement, while you work out what your journey looks like?